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I thought I was okay and now I'm back to square one

MiniMuffin27

Posts: 343

Joined 25-Feb-12

26-Apr-12 5:47 pm
I'm pregnant with my 4th and final baby. A 4th boy. All I've ever wanted was a daughter. I was positive this was my girl. I work at a vet clinic and we have an ultrasound machine. It was very obvious at 16 weeks and on that I was having a boy. After all, I am an expert at boy ultrasounds :) so after grieving and excepting it's a boy I finally felt some what okay. Got the girl thoughts out of my mind and started planning for a boy. Well yesterday I had my anatomy scan. I thought I clearly saw a penis but the tech told me it was the cord. Then proceeded to tell me she couldn't tell the gender because the cord was in between the legs. Immediately I start thinking holy cow this could be a girl!! What an awesome surprise! And of course all my family and friends start in about how they're sure it's a girl. Well today at work I got a perfect potty shot with a perfect penis and scrotum. I even posted it on the other board and they all agree. Now it almost feels like a twist in the knife. It makes me mad at the tech for even giving me hope that it may be a girl. I'm 22 weeks, it's very obvious it's a boy. I almost feel more sad now then I was the first time I thought it was a boy. I just don't understand why I can't have a daughter!! I love my boys so much but I have a hole in my heart where my daughter belongs. I know I should be grateful I can even have kids and I am but I just wanted my little Nora so so bad. Now those emotions are at the surface again. I hate it. I don't know how to feel happy about this little boy.
DS 9/05
DS 8/07
DS 6/10
DS 8/12
2/14 💔
Rainbow baby due 12/14. Praying for a sticky baby!
 

Jen

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Joined 26-Dec-10

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26-Apr-12 7:08 pm

im so sorry you didn't hear girl but really it will get easier. once he's here and in your arms you will forget and wonder why you ever wanted to change him in any way. he will be just perfect for your family. and when he's a little older you will enjoy watching your 4 wonderful sons play together. i know you can't feel it now but trust me one day you will.

    if you still honestly feel this way in a  few years maybe check into adoption or ht?  but once they start school it gets so much better. congrats.

Baby Bear Girl01, Baby Bear Girl03, Baby Bear Girl05, Baby Bear Girl09, Baby Bear Girl10Heartbroken, Baby Bear Girl11, Baby Bear Girl11Heartbroken, Baby Bear Boy12, Baby Bear Girl13Heartbroken and another little on her way!

Posts: 1,896

Joined 9-Jul-08

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26-Apr-12 8:22 pm

Just wanted to send you a cyberhug! (((()))) That's cruel to have hope and then have it taken away! I saw your pic and it does look boy but you never know! I would def get another scan- of you have an u/s machine at work maybe you can give yourself another? My heart is breaking for u b/c I know I would feel exactly the same. Sad I won't say the usual stuff because you know you'll love and adore your new little man when you're ready... would you and hubby consider a 5th? I know you said this one is your last but maybe go for a 5th, maybe ht?

Baby Bear Boy '06 Baby Bear Boy '09 Baby Bear Boy '11

I'm in no way "disappointed" that I have sons, I just want the chance to raise a daughter as well. Happy Wink

Want to try for a Baby Bear Girl early next year! Pray

formerly Saggyrl11

MiniMuffin27

Posts: 343

Joined 25-Feb-12

26-Apr-12 8:34 pm
Thank you guys. My husband is getting snipped in July. My mom wants me to try again and I sort of do too but truth be told, I don't want 5 kids, I just want a daughter. And that can't be guaranteed. The financial and physical toll of 5 is just too much. I need to be thankful for what I have, and I am, it's just heart wrenching knowing I'll never have a daughter. Maybe God will bless me with a bunch of granddaughters. But that just doesn't feel like enough. I think I'm really hormonal today. I've spent the better part of today crying. Which has made me not a good mom today. And I don't even feel like telling anyone IRL how I feel right now. Thanks for listening. It's good to have this outlet.
DS 9/05
DS 8/07
DS 6/10
DS 8/12
2/14 💔
Rainbow baby due 12/14. Praying for a sticky baby!
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