Offered a promotion - should I accept, with my issues?

Hi ladies,

I'm 8w4d today and wasn't planning to discuss my pregnancy at work until after the nuchal translucency tests (~11-12 weeks).  

Today I was offered the chance to add 2 more internal teams to my department (ASAP, as in... next week, lol).  I am supposed to provide an answer by tomorrow (Friday).

Normally, I'd be happy about this offer, but since I know I have multiples (and currently, a hematoma in my uterus), I am worried that it could add extra stress to my plate during a time that is not great for that in my personal life.  For sure I cannot work my usual "longer" management hours now that I am pregnant, tired (and supposed to be taking it easy for the blood clot).  I am also taking extra time off work for all the various monitoring appointments, etc.  Assuming the pregnancy goes well, I am guessing I will start mat leave ~Feb or Mar, and will be gone 6-7 months (in Canada, we can take off up to a year, with partial pay).  Although, that *would* leave me enough time to get the new teams and processes well settled between now and my leave....

So, what should I do?  Accept or decline?  If I decline, should I disclose the pregnancy now so they don't think I am a slacker, lol (I prefer not to due to risk of miscarriage).

I currently feel... if I *think* I can take it all on without hurting myself, I should (and not disclose the pregnancy yet, as planned).  Because I feel it's important for myself and the company that we *not* adjust my job/work *around* my pregnancy.  Because I am one of the few women in management here, and I don't want to give the all-male exec team any "reasons" why I can't perform my management duties as fully as anyone else.  ;)  I did a great job of not allowing any distractions/interruptions with my last pregnancy, and would like to be able to do that again this time.

What do you all think?

GZ

GZ,

When I was pregnant with my son a few years ago I was offered a large promotion as well. I too could not decide what to do because I was 13 weeks pregnant and I still hadn't disclosed that I was pregnant. The way I made my decision was if the new position would work with my life after my baby boy was born. I decided that it wouldn't. The reason's for me was that I was in Advertising and it is an industry known for working very long hours. I come from the creative side of advertising so last minute changes were constant. Also, I am in the Los Angeles area and with traffic it takes even more time away from home. Because of these two main issues I decided to decline. I am glad I did because I made the decision after my son was born to stay home. Something I never thought I would do btw. 

I have a good friend on the other hand that had some complications during her pregnancy that had to take time away for Dr. visits etc but she was ok going into it taking a promotion (she went from Marketing Director to VP) because she new that her pregnancy was temporary and once the baby was born she would be thrilled with her new position and would be able to manage it. She was up front about her situation when she accepted the job and her company was very supportive. I know it was challenging for a few months for her esp in the end because she ended up on bedrest for a few months. It all worked out though.

How will this new position work for you once the girls are born(doesn't that sound exciting!!!) If you think it is something you want I think you should go for it but consider letting them know the situation so that you are not stressed out.

Congratulations!!!!

Steffani 

Thanks Steffani - great perspectives!

I think I would be more like your friend... I know the changes would be good for me in the longer term.  And I am definitely planning to return to work, as I love my job, my teams, and the company. 

And yes, maybe I should consider disclosing the pregnancy sooner so no one's expectations for me get *too* crazy. 

Okay, so that sounds pretty reasonable.

Open to any other suggestions if they are out there...

Thanks everyone!

GZ

GreenZelda:

I did a great job of not allowing any distractions/interruptions with my last pregnancy, and would like to be able to do that again this time.

I don't think you have an obligation to disclose pregnancy at this point, and, if you believe you're capable of performing the job during your multiple pregnancy, I think you should accept.  Of course, if you don't want the extra stress, I think you should decline (and maybe explain why . . .).  Impending maternity leave is not a reason not to take a promotion, IMO.  You've earned the job, and it can wait for you until you come back from leave.  If you're anticipating having to take a lot of time off during your pregnancy, however, I think it would be wise to raise the issue (maybe when/if you accept the promotion). 

I don't think you can really know how you'll feel about continuing to work (with more responsibility) once you have two new babies . . . I thought for sure I'd never want to stay home, and now I would be a SAHM in a heartbeat if I could make it work (3 kids is a lot!).  But you can make adjustments (if you want) when you return from maternity leave.   I don't think pregnancy is a reason to decline a promotion--if you want the job

I would disclose the pregnancy completely - the twins, the hematoma, etc - especially if you have an understanding boss. State that you would really like this opportunity and see what he/she recommends.

Not to highjack your thread, but being about to take a year off with a new baby with partial pay.  I am so jealous.  It is so barbaric here in the US.  I was offered six weeks maternity leave, then told I had to return to the office full time with a six week old baby at home.  And I am a professional!  Crazy!  I ended up resigning, and plan to take a year off to be with my baby, then hopefully find another job.  It is sad that it forces career minded women out of the work force.  Can we say bitter!

That said, I would not disclose your pregnancy until you are ready.  I usually wait until the 12 week mark. Congrats and good luck to you.  

That is a tough one since your having twins.  If you were having just one my opinion would be different.  I think you should really think about what more stress could do to this pg.  Twin pg's can be very routine or not.  You have worked really hard to get these girls.  Can you talk openly with your boss?

I like the "talk to your boss" suggestion.  Be open and honest.  You are pregnant with 2 babies, and you will be showing soon anyway!  Tell him/her that you want the position however you want to put as little stress as possible on yourself and how can you do that together.  If they value you as an employee (which it sounds like they do!), they will work with you.

Good luck!  This is a great position to be in!

I would take it but I think you have to be open now about the pregnancy b/c of the multiples and the bleeding scare.  It seems dishonest not to be to me given the promotion opp.  It would be really awkward later to announce and they would KNOW that you knew when you accpepted, kwim?

I think this question is even bigger than first at sight. I am thinking about the fact that you

will have three small children and yet want to work within the management of

your company. Are you hiring in help, or is your hubbie going to take a large

part of the work after your materity leave?

The reason I am saying all this is cause I have had some bad experiences

in my own career life. I started out with my youngets son, and continued to

work full time when he was little - I had zero contact with his peers at pre-school

and my hubbie did all the work at home, bringing him back & forth to pre-school.

And yet I still felt that at work I was the one who would get a sick child

when something big was coming up at work, well it became very stressful...

I waited many years with givinng my son a sibling b/c of how hard it was to combine

work with family life. But once I did have two children I knew that being

on a top career post would not work for me - not practically and not emotionally.

And if you have gone to this lenght about having a DD/DD's then I think you should

maybe "down-shift" in your career for a while. Is it possible to stay at your company

and have some specialist-function or other position were you dont have to be

involved in management and have such a heavy workload? Just food for thought

Excellent points, everyone.  Great for food thought.

To clarify - I have already been in management here for several years, so I know what it takes (in our particular environment), and have been giving according effort, even after DS was born.  The "promotion" I was just offered (not sure what else to call it), is to absorb 2 outside teams into my existing department.  Most of the work associated with this change would be required upfront (ie: in the next few months).  Which, if I stay healthy and well, should be doable.

I spoke to DH about it, and we agree I should accept the offer.  I really liked a PP's point about having earned this, and not letting the fact I'm going on mat leave later change that fact.  I do feel capable of the work now, and when I come back.

BTW, after my own 6-7 month mat leave, DH will take the remaining 5-6 months himself (in Canada we can split the year between the parents if desired).  So once I go back, he will be full-time on the homefront for half a year, so I won't be distracted at work.  I also plan to wean the girls at 6 months (like DS), to make this possible.

For sure I agree with some PPs' points that 3 kids is a major change from 1 child.  Yes!  BUT, my management career is a really impotant part of my self-identity, so for now I am planning to maintain it, unless I somehow later go through a total transformation of life priorities!  lol

DH is an excellent and nearly equal co-parent, and often he will be the one to stay home when DS is sick.  Because we know his career his less demanding than mine. 

So, after thinking about it overnight, talking with DH, and reading all your excellent replies, I've decided to accept the offer, and *not* disclose the pregnancy (yet).  Because I feel the risk of possibly miscarrying before 12 weeks (and having to update everyone - ick) would feel far worse to me than than the possibility that I might have some complications requiring more time off later.  Yes, my boss will soon know I accepted the offer knowing I was pregnant... but in our corporate culture, it's normal not to disclose a pregnancy until 12ish weeks.  So I don't think I will offend anyone by holding off.

Also, when I accept the offer, I plan to negotiate a salary review to occur in several months (not now, as I've just received a raise), in case these new team changes require so much extra effort that I feel my compensation should be adjusted accordingly.

The company is in a bit of a pinch right now, which is why they want me to accept the offer ASAP.  I do like it here, so I do want to help out.  And I do feel I *should* be capable to do so, even with my HT complications.

Of course, if my pregnancy becomes at risk in any way, I will tell my boss immediately and take whatever time off I need.  I love the company, but not enough to put my much-desired baby daughter(s) in jeopardy!!  lol

I'll update this thread again once I've officially given my acceptance to my boss.  

Thanks again ladies for your thoughtful and insightful opinions.

GZ

Well I have to say I'm quite impressed that they asked and didn't just give you two more teams to take on like they would have where I work. They are constantly pushing the envelope. Good luck GZ!