I've talked to DH about this but I figured it might help calm things down if I typed it out.  One of my very good friends who I've known for 5 years is pregnant with her first baby unplanned and she is being blessed with a baby girl.  She's 19, a year older that I was when I had my first DS and her husband is my age (21).  Now don't get me wrong...I'm super excited and happy for her...but there's this part of me that when I'm talking to her I want to say something horribly rude to make myself feel better.  She's due in like...8 days btw.

 I feel so horrible because I really love this girl to pieces.  She's wonderful and beautiful and such a great friend and person all around.  Which makes me feel even more like an a'hole....I've even told DH that I don't think I can bring myself to see her and her daughter after she is born.  I told him if he wants to go I'll drive him and to tell her I'm not feeling well...but since she knows about my GD she would probably figure it out and be hurt.  So I have no idea what to do anymore!  I feel if I go into her room and see that beautiful little girl of hers that I'll burst into tears and half to leave.  I don't want to hurt her and I shouldn't be doing this to myself but it's so hard.

Then this is off the topic of her but I'm surrounded by girls.  My sister in law has three and my 2nd cousin in law (if that makes sense) has two.  They're all so beautiful and it's almost painful seeing them everytime our familes get together.  I feel like a piece of my heart is missing. 

Don't get me wrong I love my little 3 year old to bits! He's absolutely wonderful and I wouldn't change him for the world.  I just so thought that this time around I was having a girl...but low and behold at my 16 week 5 day ultrasound he was proudly showing his little penis and scrotum off for everyone to see. 

 DH comes from a family of 4 boys and 1 girl.  One of the boys is from a different mother than the other three so I don't know if that matters or not...but it's still a bad ratio for my hopes.  We wanted 4 kids all together and were crazy enough to start as young as we were with number one. If our third is a boy I am strongly thinking about Microsort/pgd for number 4.  I will love my boys...but I just wonder how bad my GD will be the next time around if I still don't naturally concieve my princess.  It's just so frustrating seeing all these people around me with little girls.  I want to order everything online so I don't have to go into the stores and see little girls outfits.  I sound like a crazy person but I just can't handle it. 

I know when I see my little boy I'll be so happy and thrilled to have a healthy beautiful (and might I add big headed...we're a family of huge heads...lol) boy that it will go out the window until next time.

Anyway, so that is my vent...and there's so much more I could say but I just end up rambling and then I'll start crying so I'll stop here.  I hope everyone eventually gets there wishes and dreams :)

I have been where you are right now.  It can be so tuff and feel just so unfair.  The thought of seeing your friends daughter is hard, but I am sure that the reality of it all will be different.  You will be okay.  Give yourself some time before you go and see her and the baby.  I was in a similiar postion and I thought that I did not have the courage to see a friend who had a baby girl.  The first visit was not easy , but I did it and it was not that bad.  My sister also had a girl three weeks ago and that felt hard to begin with but I soon got over it.  When your little man comes all of these feelings will be easier to handle as you will be so in love with your precious bundle.  Trust me it will get easier and you will be fine.  Good luck.   

Thank you so much :)

I love this website so much..knowing that there are other people like you, who have the exact feelings and emotions that I'm going through.  I will wait a while before I go see her even though I am very excited for her as well.  She'll make a great mommy. 

I know that as soon as I see his face everything will be fine.  I love him already...it's just very hard as you know.   I've been looking up everything boy I can think of online.  I found some adorable punk/skater/gothic(not really hardcore goth, just cutesy stuff) on this website and they have such cute clothes!  I'm trying to encourage my excitement and my DH is being as supportive as possible..he's a wonderful man and tries so hard, lol.  I love him so much(he also wanted a girl).  I know that I'll get through this.  I'll of course have up and down days because I've had plenty of them already, but I know I can always come here to let off some steam :P

Thanks again and take care :)

aubs:

DH comes from a family of 4 boys and 1 girl.  One of the boys is from a different mother than the other three so I don't know if that matters or not...but it's still a bad ratio for my hopes.

DH's paternal grandma had 5 boys and 1 girl, and his maternal grandma had 4 boys 1 girl - all their offspring were B/G and then all DH's cousins have pigeon pairs (except for us, of course)

Don't tear yourself up over what happened in the past - each couple's chemistry is different and unique.

 I know that it will be extremely hard, but you are going to have to go see your friend at the hospital, because if you put it off it will just look obvious and then the visit later would be even harder because you wouldn't be able to put it off that much longer or you would probably lose a friend. My brother had a baby girl in March and my sister had one in July and believe me it was very hard to do, but I had to do it. You will get through it and at least at the hospital you could go right before visiting hours are up so that you would have an excuse not to stay too long. Think of the baby as a baby not the gender that is what I did. You will probably want to cry, but try to save that for the car. I know how hard this is hugs.

Hi there,

One thing that worked very well for me the last time I was around a newborn girl was the fact that I would NOT want to

have the newborn -period back again; when I saw her bf her daughter I just thought about

how tired I used to be when I did that and the nights that I hardly ever got any sleep etc.

For me with my children a bit older, that kind of thinking is very helpful - but I guess if

you still have a baby yourself or long for having one again, you have to think

other thoughts than that LOL! But I agree with Cinderella Dreams here, dont avoid

the visit, try to understand that you had your happy moments with your baby and now

it is just your frinds turn to have this too, and what can help to think too is that

your friend did not "make" her baby become a girl (unless she did IVF/PGD ) she just happened to get a girl so

you cant possibly "blame" that on her even if it can feel hard to see that she has

what you are longing for right now.

Krissymum

Yeah, in my signature I typed the date wrong.  I am due in April next year...lol.  Also my son is only 3 so the older kid thing doesn't help much either, lol.  He's going through his own stages :P

I hear you on the advice from both you and Cinderella dreams that I shouldn't put it off but knowing my personality, it is probably better that way.   I have bad depression/anxiety and I need time to deal with things on my own.  Having an anxiety attack there in the hospital wouldn't be the best thing and would probably end up terminating the friendship if I'm sitting there freaking out over something she had no control over. 

haha...that sounds RIDICULOUS...but it would probably happen.  I don't know maybe when it's in the moment and she calls me I'll probably rush over there anyways and be totally fine.  Then after that come home and cry my eyes out.  

I just want April to come around so I can just see my little man and this will all be over.

 Thank you ladies for your support.  :)

hi im new here  but im with you on bringing on april! i didn't want to know at my 20 week scan last week that it was a boy until the birth but wanted badly to know if i could start buying pink now so i chose to find out as this preg is so different from my last two both boys one is 5 and other is 2 , now  i am consumed each day about having another boy even though when trying i def wanted 3 boys if thats what i got but since concieving every wives tale etc was saying girl and i so wanted to believe it. go see your friend cos for all you know she will always want a boy and only have girls? i have a friend who is about to have her pigeon pair and im jealous but will go visit. i am just spewing that i know now about my boy as the other boys have been so naughty this week and a girl wouldn't have been as loud and rough ! but i love my boys with all my heart and im sure i will this one too but i still look longingly at girl stuff and want to cry :(

i really hope i don't have gd for too long as this is def my last preg and i don't want to only remember the dissapointment

thanks for listening

rae

 I hear you sooooo much. I've been there! I have 2 boys, and I can tell you from experience, I wouldn't worry about the friend situation...it'll get better! For example...My best friend in the world has a little girl. I welled up with tears walking into the hospital room b/c I knew I'd see a sea of pink, and low and behold...it was like Pepto Bismol was splashed everywhere. The "It's a girl!" balloons were hard to see after seeing my "It's a boy!" balloons twice! Very hurtful, and I was sooooo jealous.

  However, as our kids grow up together, I find more and more that time has taken that jealousy away. She has her own problems with her DD...it's not all bows and lace! There's colic like you wouldn't believe; nasty acid-reflux; doesn't sleep the night, and her husband isn't bonding with her since he wanted a boy BADLY. Plus, she is a cutie, but a baldie, and everyone mistakes her for a boy. My son? He sleeps the night, no spit up, is always cuddly and smiling, very very very happy and adorable! He's actually been mistaken for a GIRL he's so Gerber-like. I guess my point is that you will love your child b/c he's YOUR child, and you'll value him more and other children less. It's never a "perfect" situation, just b/c someone got a girl. I no longer pine for the family picture my friend has. It's NOT MY FAMILY, and I had horrible GD while pregnant. Time will heal you, and keep your fingers crossed for a bundle of pink in your own furture. Good Luck!!!!!!!

Hugs! I could have written a lot of what you just wrote. Our good friends who have a DS that is 2 weeks younger than our DS are due in about 3 weeks and they are getting a little girl and we just found out that DS #2 will be arriving in March. I'm so jealous of her. I know it will be really hard for me the first time I see her DD, but we don't live very close, they live by my parents, so I'm pretty sure my DS will be here before I see them again. It seems like most of the people I know either have all girls, or they get the opposite gender with baby #2. My husbands family produces boys like crazy, he's one of three boys, no girls. So I sometimes feel like my chances for a girl are slim because of that. I hate to be thinking about baby #3 already when baby #2 isn't here yet but next time we are definately going to try gender swaying. I know when he's actually here I will love him to bits but for right now I'm so dissapointed and part of me is still hoping that they might be wrong and on delivery we'll have a girl. I feel pathetic for still having hope. My DH has been great lately, and even let me have the name I really wanted for him. Hugs!! I totally understand how you're feeling.

I can see why you don't want to see your friend and her baby in the hospital.

But she also sounds too important to you to lose.  And so she doesn't feel upset at the time she needs you, I would write her a letter.  Say how lovely she is, just like you did in your initial post.  Say how happy you are for her but that you are sad for yourself.  Explain your GD to her - a good friend is exactly that and she shouldn't get upset by this admission. Tell her you really want to see her but explain why you have to give yourself time.

This is the main benefit of the letter over say face to face or a phone call, IMO.  She can react initially without you being there and read it over whenever she needs to, she will not forget the sequence of it like she may with a conversation.  Nothing will be misinterpreted.

Hope this helps a tiny bit.  GL

Mich XX

I'm sorry you feel this way. It does fade. This picture is that day for me...the birth of my sister's daughter. I was hurting on the inside...

I'm so with you, girlfriend! I am expecting DS2 as well (SO thought it was a girl!!!) and my brother and his gf are expecting a girl the same month as me!!![:'(] It has been really hard, but since neither me or my mom or my sister get along with the gf (looong story) we never really see her. But it was really hard to swallow. Also everyone I know who had a boy around the same time I had DS1 just had or will be having a girl soon...

I keep telling myself my family make-up will be so much more interesting... my son will have a brother and that is precious in itself, and then I can (hopefully!) go high tech next time and get my girl or girls. My mom was an only child and she said her greatest wish was to have a bunch of older brothers to protect her! :)

About your friend, I agree with the others... as painful as it is, go see her baby. I know when I have to go see my neice for the first time it will be like drinking Drano but I have to do it for my brother, and because deep inside even though I am so jealous, I do and will love her (my neice). What helps is to think that my time to have a girl will come, maybe even sooner than I think! Keep thinking positive thoughts, I know it's hard. Please let us know how it went, and pm me any time!

(((hugs)))

Ladies you are all amazing!

Thank you so much for all of your repsonses.  I want to respond individually but I don't think my preggo brain can remember everything everyone said and respond to it all...lol.   I want to say thanks for all the support.  It feels good to come here knowing that everyone else is going through the same tough times regardless of whether they are wishing for a boy or girl. 

I will TRY to go see her, and probably will go.  I know that I'll have a damn good cry afterwards though (and try not to loose it in her room) lol.  They're inducing her on Sunday if she doesn't go into labor before then...so very soon now.  AHHH! 

Anyway, this is short and sweet but I wanted to let everyone know I didn't drop off the face of the earth and that your heartfelt comments are MUCH appreciated.  (((hugs to everyone)))

Well today is the day.  I'm going to see my friend and her little girl at 4pm PST(pacific standard time) in California.  I'm an aboslute nervous wreck.  It's half excitement for her and half fear for myself.  I really can't wait to meet her daughter.  Wish me luck and that I don't cry.