And I'm crapping myself! Don't know why, I know it's a boy and have reconciled myself to the idea, maybe it's because once they say the words 'it's a boy' thats absolutley it and even that faintest hope lurking somewhere in my subconcious will be gone? Maybe it's because I'm still paranoid that something will be wrong with the baby that they havent found on the last 2 scans? Maybe it's because my father is stressing the hell outta me and I'm having to leave the boys at my MIL while we go and I just know she's gonna do her usual thing of winding me up and making me feel like I'm not doing a good enough job as a wife or mother?
Maybe it's everything!
I feel like crying today, it started out so well. The church adjacent to my sons preschool put on a mothers day service and Jacob sang beautifully, he then presented me with a wooden flower he had painted and had a photo of him in the middle, I helped with the cake sale to raise money for the pre school, convinced a few more parents to join us on the commitee and had lots of chocolate! ;-)
And yet as the day has crept along I have become more and more stressed to the point now where I'm venting everything in this post and crying. I don't think I will sleep well tonight, I didn't last night, all these dreams of ultrasounds :-( I keep hearing the neighbours shouting and arguing (they have 3 sons all older than mine) and thinking thats going to be me in 5 years+.
Why am I being so ungrateful? I adooore my boys, they are such wonderful creatures and so loving and affectionate. I LOVE being a mummy and I honestly thought I had dealt with my gender issues in the last few weeks, but I feel like I'm back where I started when I posted my first message on here.
Gaaargh I need to calm down and relax!!!