Isn't PGD akin to natural identical twins

I think some people are scared of actually getting what they want.  This can be a very human response.

There is nothing wrong with having a goal be realized.  It will not jinx anything, it will not ruin anything.  It's not about being deserving or not.  It will just... be what it is.  No more, no less.

Go for it girls!!!

GZ

I agree w/ GZ~~  I read a post somewhere about NOT letting fate decide on your happiness, and I truly belive it.  Although Im not 100% certain of my decision, I believe, I will not let fate decide my happiness.  Why not embrace the technology that allows you to fulfill a dream???  

 

GreenZelda:

I think some people are scared of actually getting what they want.  This can be a very human response.

There is nothing wrong with having a goal be realized.  It will not jinx anything, it will not ruin anything.  It's not about being deserving or not.  It will just... be what it is.  No more, no less.

Go for it girls!!!

GZ

This is *EXACTLY* what I needed to hear this morning, GZ.  Thanks!!!

I agree with GZ  too and that was great to read, thank you for that:)  I remember another post on here that read something like "how would you feel if you DIDN'T do HT." That for me, as simple as it is, was a big realization. I HAVE to give it a try and just thinking about the alternative (not trying it and possibly never having a daughter) gives me peace that I am making the right decision. I also just stumbled onto this site surfing the internet. I had never heard of it and didn't know anything about PGD or the possibility of any of this, so that in itself always makes me feel reassured that this is meant to happen for me. I CAN GET what I WANT! Yeah!!!!!

Grits I agree with you completely.

I am going to go beyond that a bit too. Until you go through the HT process you can't begin to realize how emotional and stressful it can be. It is kind of like being pregnant with your first child and having everyone telling you how tired you will be in the months to come and you hear and undertstand them but it is very different from experiencing it. On top of that if you get a BFP (which I truely wish for everyone going through this) you can deal with more pregnancy complications. Not always of course but if you scour through IG you will see many hematomas, placenta previas, bleeding, complications from twins etc etc.

You have to be ok with the technology and "take a leap of faith". If you don't on top of everything else you will go crazy if you are preggars with a HT baby and are constantly bringing up studies about every unknown that can happen. I think you would be on high alert for a very very long time. This does not mean you shouldn't do whatever research is necessary before making a decision and if you feel like you need to question all of it you should. I am just saying that if that continues you should wait to do HT until you move past it or maybe it is not a good fit for you.

I personally felt good with the technology. Growing up around and being married into a family of Dr.s/Scientists it makes sense to me to have this technology as we as a world move forward and progress our knowledge. There are certainly many questionable medical advances that they have that benefit people and save lives every single day. I think because this is elective it causes so many more concerns. Personally I have been so much more stressed with this pregnancy becasue of everything it has entailed so I have to let go of the other concerns because it would consume me.  

Aw, glad I could help girls! 

jessicaellie:

Here are some thoughts: I am wealthy and I have a lot of guit about that - being able to do IVF to try and create the 'designer baby' that I so  want, whereas other couples struggle to afford IVF for the purposes of conceiving full stop. I am a girl that like to shop but is this a shopping trip too far for me morally? I have a lot of guilt about having a gender preference at all - my beautiful sons should be blessing enough and I should feel complete (go my thought processes) but my heart says otherwise. Oh and I don't want to be judged by society for having GD - whereas my husband couldn't care less about that one I care way too much about what other people think. I feel I have been too lucky in life so far. I feel I have everything I could wish for - apart from a daughter. If I use IVF/PGD to get her will something go wrong that will shatter my near perfect existence? Will the God I don't believe in decide that enough is enough - I have too much already?

GZ, JEssica -- you have truly expressed everything that I am feeling. My hubby hates and balks at IG, but i would not have been able to go through all of this without having you guys, understanding my every feeling and want. Crazy isn't it. I am a bit scared of tampering with fate -- part of me wonders if maybe i try again for no .3 ( after finding out no .3 that i miscarried and which i swayed for was another boy) it will be a girl and i won't have to go through PGD. But If I dont conceive a girl, I will be focused on having PGD soon after the baby is born -- and what if my next baby will need more attention than I "want " to give it, what if PGD won't be a realistic option then....i too, have two most amazing sons....who I love more than anything....i get upset at myself for wanting or rather needing more or the different experience...and i too am worrying constantly about what tampering with nature will do....will I create more hardship than i am feeling already? I too, am one who really does everything naturally and holistically -- i feed my kids organic, i try to spread out their vaccines etc...so doing something HT to get my baby girl is so counter to everything i believe and who I am ....but I do know, that for me, doing PGD (either now, or in a 1.5 years) is not elective, it is necessary. I may not need IVF, or PGD for my physical well-being, but I do think i need it for my emotional and mental well-being. The past two years of my life have been filled with such despair and sadness...and it has really affected our family life, my marriage and hijacked the attention i could have been otherwise giving my most wonderful boys. Enough is enough. I like yourself (jessicaellie) have spent hours upon hours reading research papers and gathering information -- and the hardest part for me is not finding a true and clear cut answer.I want the decision to be perfect, but unfortunately, there is no right decision in my case. PGD will be the only option if we try naturally and conceive another boy. The decision i am trying to make now is whether i should use it now, rather than later.

bows&ribbons:

I too, am one who really does everything naturally and holistically -- i feed my kids organic, i try to spread out their vaccines etc...so doing something HT to get my baby girl is so counter to everything i believe and who I am ....but I do know, that for me, doing PGD (either now, or in a 1.5 years) is not elective, it is necessary.

I'm that way, too. I don't even use shampoo on my son's hair!

One of the things that has helped me over the PGD hump is the "necessity".  This is a necessity for me. I'm too old to feel comfortable having a baby naturally. I just do not like the odds. I know PGD can't eliminate all the problems a baby might face with an AMA mother but it can answer a couple of the big questions. So, really, if I want to have a baby -- pink or blue -- I have to avail myself to the technology.

But throughout most of this I have been mostly in Camp Adoption so it's been quite the challenge for me to wrap my head around the hormones and flying across the country and the fear of BFNs. On top of posting and reading here, one thing that helped me chill out was choosing a small clinic with lots of personal attention. It makes me feel warmer and fuzzier about the process when my doctor that tells me about his own kids and makes me giggle with silly jokes.  It relaxes me; makes me feel like this isn't all so...unnatural (?). That personal connection with the RE has helped remove the clinical "designer" baby smell I had and that was a huge step forward for me. I mean, I think I've only had one "OMG WTF am I doing???!!!" since my final consultation. .

 

It is amazing reading these posts and I feel like I could have written them myself. Thank gosh for this site! It is so crazy how I can feel so the same way as so many of you. Bows&ribbons I feel the same way you do. I go back and forth alot on this (as I know many of us do) and always wonder what would happen if I just tried naturally one more time. Maybe it would be my girl. It is exhausting. I am also very natural and holistic so this is nuts for me that I am even considering something so invasive. Why can't I just be happy with my beautiful healthy boys and get on with my life?? But again, exactly what you wrote, I have to do this for my mental health. It is unfair to my husband and my kids and I agree that IVF/PGD is what I need to do. I feel good that I have found this website and that I have taken the first steps to making this a reality and when I start to panic I just remind myself that this is what I have to do to get what I so badly want...and even in reading back what I just wrote I wonder why I can't be at peace with what I have or whatever I get but it just isn't that simple, or at least for me it isnt.  Good luck with your decision bows&ribbons...

grits:

Now don’t y’all go getting offended at what follows because I’m not saying any of the following out of malice or meaness.

 

I sincerely don’t think it has anything to do with man v nature. Check your pantries and medicine cabinets, heck test the air in some big cities: westernized society on the whole makes too many decisions over and over and without thought that are clinically proven as bad for us and for our kids for me to believe that gross concerns are truly “what about the children.”

 

The truth as we know it is that there are no biological or social chimeras. As we know it nothing happens with an IVF or PGD baby that hasn’t happened with a naturally conceived child.

 

And if we are hugely worried about the unknown? I’m not going to assume anybody’s fears but maybe it’s not really about fat rats and cells splitting and the men in lab coats poking embies. Maybe it’s a more personal fear? Fear of not understanding why one wants what he wants. Maybe it’s a fear of being judged by people for wanting what one wants. Maybe one is judging himself for wanting something other than what he has. Maybe it's a fear of making a bad decision because one only wants the end but can't afford or justify the means?  If so, those fears aren't going to be calmed by more rat studies or drs’ opinions. The solution is to come to terms with why one wants what they want. And once a person can understand and accept why they feel the way they do they can make well informed decisions about how to get what they want. But if a person isn’t okay with why they made their decision it will matter not what decision they make one way or the other.

 

Just my opinion. And I sincerely hope nobody is offended as there was none intended.

 

I agree completely with this.  Life is for living, not being afraid (though I have to remind myself of this too).  I never liked my hair color, for example....so guess what?  I have colored it for most of my adult life, and have been happier as a result.  This is a small example compared to what we are talking about, but the theme here is:  if there is something you can do about things you want....do it!  Life is too short.  Sure, there are risks.  THere are risks every day when I drive to work.  There are risks with "natural births" (if you need proof of this just rent the movie Freaks) as there are with PGD/IVF.  But not having a daughter because I didn't at least TRY this will cost me emotionally.  THis is something I just know.  I am only happy we have this procedure available to us.  I only pray that it works for me and the rest of you as well.  And I also agree the fear of being judged.  People judge no matter what.  If its not about this, it will be about something else.  I personally am over it.  While I never shove my opinions in others faces, I am honest when asked my opinion.  Were people suprised with my "NO!" response after they digged and digged and digged, asking me if I was happy my first baby was a boy?  Sure.  But hey, if they didn't like my  answer they shouldn't have asked.  And if I am blessed with this IVF/PGD baby , I will not shove it in peoples face that its a girl.  But, if they ask me what it is, and if I am happy, I will smile and say a resounding "Yes!!" rather than the moldy, cliched "Well as long as its healthy".  Again, nothing wrong with honesty, and if people get offended they shouldn't seek out opinions.  Its a hard balance I know

Grits you are with Dr. Lin, right?? or am I completely confused? sorry I am trying to keep track of everyone...

hopefulfornumber3:

Grits you are with Dr. Lin, right?? or am I completely confused? sorry I am trying to keep track of everyone...

Yes. I will be cycling with him this summer, if all goes according to plan.

Girls, you have all said so many things that ring true for me and, for that, I thank each & every one of you.   Whomever said that IVF/PGD *is* necessary for your emotional well being --- ding, ding --- that struck SUCH a chord with me!!!  SOOOOOO true.  I remember the blubbering wreck I was the ENTIRE length of my youngest son's pregnancy and I do not ever, ever want to go back to that sad, dark, scary place.  I was not the wife, mother, or friend I should've been during that time and I *NEED* to take this leap of faith to insure that I am the happiest, most sane woman that I can be.  I *need* to ENJOY my last pregnancy, to feel complete, and to be excited for the new addition this time - not the sad shell of a woman I was in 2006.  THANK YOU ALL for that giant wake up call and reality check!  I love it here so much!

Goodness, I really needed this string of posts today.  It's great to hear that so many others are going through the same emotions that I am. 

A long time ago someone here gave some advice that I've always remembered.  She said that once you've made your decision, "don't think . . . just do."  It's so hard to STOP thinking it over and over again.  There are so many what ifs.  But I'm going to try my hardest to stop thinking, to accept that I've done my research and made my decision confidantly.   And to "just do."  I wish everyone the very best.  Thanks for being so honest and heartfelt.  You girls really inspire me!

I love it here too! Grits I am excited for my "Omg WTF" moments to decrease after my consult with Dr. Lin:) lol! That cracks me up! Winogurl I loved your last post, again I feel the EXACT same way and could have written that myself. I am so excited for us all!